Kwentong Gigolo wid my Grade 1 Libro

By Nilo Diaz (SCA Batch 77)

I am writing a story regarding an observation I had when I was in some Arab countries comparing it with what I find here in Europe.

I will just try to relate this observation in a way that it won't be RATED as FOR ADOLF ONLY but can rather be considered as RATED PG as in PARA sa GIGOLO or PARA sa GURANG only. It's up for our reading public where they want to be classified.

Most of the time being away from the Philippines, I usually become a bachelor . . . kuno . . . Sabi ko nga once again SINGLE AND READY TO MINGLE . . . and for this . . . sometimes dahil lalaki nga tayo . . . I start to think that I can be also a MACHO or GIGOLO . . .

But for obvious reason . . . when I was in Arab countries . . . I can’t really pretend to be a GIGOLO . . . considering the culture that their people have . . . Seloso ang mga Arabo . . . Ayaw nilang mapagnasahan ang mga babae nila . . .

To comment a little bit on what I have observed . . .

Arab women when they dress . . . they fully cover themselves hanggang sa mukha . . .

If ever you will find an Arab woman with the face not covered . . . I am quite sure ang religion nun hindi MUSLIM, kundi AGLIPAY (also written UGLYPAY in English).

In addition . . . dahil nga sa kanilang kultura, talagang KAILANGAN MONG HAWIIN ANG MGA PANGIT PARA MAKITA MO ANG MGA MAGAGANDA . . .

Sorry kung medyo nagiging pintasero ako pero . . . It's only my opinion . . .

When I moved here in Italy . . . I find it totally the opposite . . . ditto . . . KAILANGAN MONG HAWIIN ANG MGA MAGAGANDA PARA LUMABAS ANG MGA PANGIT . . .

With the beautiful and sexy Italian CHIKABABES . . . masasabi mong WOW . . . TENDER & JUICY . . . talagang pang STEAK . . . hindi gaya ng mga nakikita ko when I was in Saudi, makukunat na at kailangang gilingin para gawing KARNE NORTE . . .

And with that panorama here in Italy . . . I would like to look like a real MACHO . . . The TALL, DARK & NEVERMIND CASANOVA . . .

Kaya nga ng sinabi ng ilang batchmates ko na pumuti na raw ako . . . honestly, I was not elated with that compliment. I prefer to stay dark or rather as how they say here . . . I AM TAN. Mas trendy na pakinggan although to be identified as BLACK -- is now a prestige in America.

Anyway . . . I still prefer the trend rather than the prestige . . . that's because I stay here in Italy which is famous for fashion and trends.

And to be trendy just like any other Italians . . . I also go to the beaches during summer . . . Sabi nga nila . . . WHEN YOU ARE IN ROME, DO WHAT THE ROMANS DO . . .

Italy is an open country as compared to Middle East . . . such that during summer when you go to the beach . . . mananawa ang iyong mga mata sa magagandang tanawin na makikita . . .

Since they are trendy . . . they really get their skin almost EVENLY TANNED . . . In other words, topless sun bathing . . . at hindi rin natin pinapalagpas makakita ng ganitong mga tanawin . . .

And as I enjoy watching these lovely Italian senoritas get tanned . . . I immediately recall the phrases in my Grade 1 book which goes . . .

"HALIKA NILO HALIKA . . . ABA SUSU' SUSU' PALA."

Now I realize that FORMATIVE YEARS REALLY BEGINS AT AN EARLY AGE . . . For me . . . I learned a lot from my Grade 1 book.

You guys . . . which book did you use in Grade 1?

Reaction (Pitong email dated 28 Jan 2009)

Ka Nilo,

Nasa Italy ka naman kaya di ka mapagkakamalang kadre ng NPA sa iyong pangalang Ka Nilo. Komporme ako dyan sa yong tinuran na kelangan mong hawiin ang mga magagandang babae sa Italy bago ka makakita ng isang pangit. Katunayan ay na-criticized ang inyong Premier Berlusconi about his comments on the deployment of 300,000 soldiers in the street of Italy. He said -- "We would need so many soldiers because our women are so beautiful." Sana balang araw ay makapunta ako dyan sa Italy para naman aking maranasan ang mapalibutan ng mga magaganda. Kaya lang, medyo nakataly ang aking mga paa sa mala-Jaworsking pagbabantay ng aking wis hart. I cant blame her. I remember, when I was interviewed in my very first job -- ang aking mga kasabay ay mga bigatin na mga graduates ng UP, La Salle -- kasama si Lakay Winston Ginez na isang Summa Cum Laude ng San Beda. Dahil mga laude ang aking mga nakasabayang nag-aapply, my chances were very slim. So when it was my turn to be interviewed -- bungad kaagad ng HR Director. Jun, did you graduate with honors? No. Are you from UP or La Salle? Sabi ko, I am from San Beda. Are you a Bedan from grade school? Sagot ko -- No, I had my elementary from MPSC. What is MPSC? Is that Manila Premiere Science College? Sagot ko, Mababang Paaralan ng Sta Cruz. So apparently to cut short my interview, the HR Director asked his final question -- How would you impress me? My simple answer was -- "I have no superior intelligence to offer to this Firm, but one thing for sure, I will definitely bring good looks and glamour to this Firm." I was hired.

At that time, the term "yuppies" which is a term for young urban professionals was born. I did my own group called "golppies" which is a term for good looking professionals. Kahit golpe tawag sa amin, konti lang kami nyan. Si Kuyang Piko Espino nga, mapilit sumama sa amin, pero ayaw syang tanggapin. Kaya nagtampo, nagtayo sila ni Marvin Castil ng sarili nilang grupo called "Tyoppies" which is short for mga torpe or tyoping manligaw.

As regards yong textbook noong Grade 1, I thought your textbook was Pepe ni Pilar. I remember the line -- "This is pepe Pilar."